Six Things Theresa May Has Done That’s Naughtier Than Running Through A Field Of Wheat

23/06/2017
Imogen Downes

In her first piece for Rife, Imogen looks at our Prime Minister’s claim that the naughtiest thing she’s done is… well, not the naughtiest thing she’s done.

What’s the naughtiest thing you’ve done?

Stolen from a biscuit tin? Pulled your brother’s hair? Overseen a country with the highest levels of child poverty in seven years?

After watching Theresa May’s confession of naughtiness alongside the rest of the nation a few weeks ago, I couldn’t help but consider what was really running through her mind when posed with the dreaded question. Perhaps her odd response was a product of simply having too many answers to choose from; a hint of stage fright. Like Theresa May, I don’t think I would want to shout about the naughtiest thing I’ve done on national television.

Krishnan Guru-Murphy: what’s the naughtiest thing you’ve done?

Me: sat in a stolen shopping trolley with a drink at 3am after two days with no sleep whilst…

Somehow the field of wheat seems… innocent. A field of wheat? Is that the worst you’ve got? Considering her time as Home Secretary and as Prime Minister, I can think of a fair few other instances of misbehaving. So here they are. A list of things that are probably a bit naughtier than frolicking through a wheat field with a troop of 10 year olds.

1. Corporation Tax Cuts

As a result of Brexit, May planned to cut corporation tax – a tax imposed on a company’s profit – as part of a ‘hard’ brexit to keep the UK a competitive country. This is despite the fact we have one of the lowest corporation tax rates in Europe, AND she is planning on introducing some nasty new taxes (like the dreaded dementia tax) that will affect the most vulnerable in our society.

2. Voting Against LGBTQ+ Rights

Mrs May’s voting record in regards to LGBTQ+ rights is a bit if-y. Whilst she generally voted in parliament for same sex marriage, she mostly voted against on other matters of equal LGBTQ+ rights, including equal age of consent and adoption. With her recent visit to a homophobic church, Jesus House, and potential coalition with the DUP, the prime minister’s relationship with the gay community isn’t looking tip-top.

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3. Selling Arms To Saudi Arabia

In response to the recent attacks in London and Manchester, our prime minister declared that there is ‘too much tolerance to extremism in the UK’. She is yet to confirm if she was referring to herself with this statement, as just months before she was selling arms to Saudi Arabia, who have used these weapons to kill thousands of innocent citizens in Yemen.

4. Wanting To Change Human Rights Laws

May has recently announced that she will ‘change human rights laws’ to try and combat terrorism. That said, there is not actually any evidence to show that human rights laws enabled the acts to take place. These legislations are in place to protect our fundamental rights and freedoms; they basically ensure that we get the bare minimum as human beings. You can’t just go changing them willy nilly.

5. Making Life ‘Bloody Difficult’ For A Lot Of Women

Did you know that since 2010 welfare cuts have cost women 79 billion pounds, in contrast to the 13 billion pounds it has cost men? This year alone, our conservative government has given £250,000 of the tampon tax (yep, that’s still a thing) to the anti-abortion charity, Life, despite the fact girls have reportedly missed school due to not being able to afford sanitary products.

And yet she will parade around in a t-shirt that brandishes the slogan ‘this is what a feminist looks like’. Doesn’t sound like equality to me, Mrs May.

6. Leading A Trash Election Campaign

So, you’re ahead in the polls. You need a mandate to carry out a ‘hard’ Brexit that quite frankly sounds terrifying for everyone involved. What do you do? Exactly what you said you wouldn’t, and call a snap election that you will supposedly win by a landslide. Not quite as simply as that though, was it Tez?

Whatever your political stance is, there is no denying that Theresa May’s election campaign was pretty trash. She basically slated Jeremy Corbyn (claiming he would go ‘alone and naked’ in the Brexit negotiating chamber. Weird.), uttered a couple of political buzzwords (strong and stable, anyone?), and ended up with her party losing 13 seats (when she was predicted to gain 31). I bet no one was offering her a cup of tea at work the next morning. Naughty naughty.

What’s the naughtiest thing you’ve done? Actually, don’t tell us. But do tell us how you’re feeling post-election. @rifemag

If you want to get involved in local politics, check out the Bristol City Council Youth Mayors