Seven fashion staples for the modern Satanist
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20 Things Young People are Sick of Hearing
In celebration of our official launch [a magazine aimed at young people], Jon made a list of things the young people he talked to were sick of hearing.
I can see you nodding your head in agreement already:
1. ‘You’ve got your whole life ahead of you.’
Congratulations for pointing out the obvious.
2. ‘You’ll understand when you’re older.’
Stop it. No. Stop. Don’t do that.
3. ‘When are you going to grow up?’
Don’t be so cruel.
4. ‘You look so young!’
Really.
5. ‘Oh, I thought you were older.’
Really.
6. ‘I remember when this used to cost 50p.’
That’s great. That’s really, really great. Thank you for telling me that.
7. ‘Music isn’t like it used to be.’
Thank GOD.
8. ‘Sorry, your application has been unsuccessful due to your lack of experience.’
TELL ME HOW YOU GOT INTO THE POSITION IN WHICH YOU CAN SAY THAT TO ME.
9. ‘You don’t know how good you’ve got it.’
Pointless statement requires pointless response.
10. ‘Oh, you graduated last year? What are you doing with your degree?’
I am doing a job completely unrelated to any qualification that I have and I don’t want to discuss it, thank you.
11. ‘It’ll be you next!’
I can wait.
12. ‘Stop being so childish!’
That doesn’t work on me anymore.
13. ‘Get off your phone and go outside!’
Um, no thank you.
14. ‘I hate how social media makes people less social.’
RIGHT. THIS IS JUST HOW IT IS THESE DAYS, SOCIAL MEDIA MEANS WE CAN TALK TO PEOPLE WHENEVER WE WANT FROM ACROSS THE ENTIRE WORLD. IT’S A GOOD THING AND DOESN’T MEAN WE’RE NOT BEING SOCIABLE. HOW DO YOU NOT GET THIS?
15. ‘Have you got ID?’
Of course. I’m sick of showing it to people.
16. ‘These are the best days of your life!’
So everything’s just downhill from here, then? Fantastic.
17. ‘When you reach my age…’
Oh, that story you’ve told me a thousand times before, yes I’d love to hear it again.
18. ‘You’ll regret that when you’re older.’
No, I really won’t (OK, she might though).
19. ‘Have you got a-‘
NOPE. STILL SINGLE. I CHOSE THIS LIFE. THANK YOU.
20. ‘Stop standing on the table.’
NEVER.
*Author’s note: we do appreciate our elders, honest.
Let us know if you’ve got any to add by tweeting us @rifemag
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