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The Rife Team

Five Of The Worst Secret Santa Gifts To Get Someone

Santa Main

Barker set off around town this week to find the worst present ideas for Secret Santa, and by jove there were a fair few.

This week I was involved in my first ever Secret Santa and not gunna lie, I was pretty gassed. I spent quite a while searching for a gift and eventually had to go over my five pound price limit because everything I found for under a fiver was pretty rubbish. It got me thinking: what is THE WORST present you could possibly receive as a Secret Santa gift? So I had a little look around town and these are five of the absolute worst, most pointless, god-awful presents I could find.

1. Mini Shopping Trolley


I honestly have no idea why you would spend three pounds on one of these when you can get a full size one from any local supermarket for a quid and a swift jog home. This is one of those pointless presents you give to that guy at work who has 20,000 paperclips and rubber bands on his desk sprawled out like he just jacked up Staples and did a runner.

2. Beer Pong


If you’re seriously okay with spending £8 on twelve plastic cups and two ping pong balls as a funny present, you need to reevaluate yourself and your gift ideas. You can buy 12 balls and 50 plastic cups on Amazon for the same price. I cannot comprehend why you would buy this, and especially one that only includes two balls, anyone drunk enough to play this is definitely drunk enough to lose both of those balls within ten minutes.

3. Face Mats

Source: Red5 (http://www.red5.co.uk)

Source: Red5 (http://www.red5.co.uk)

No, this isn’t the game version, this isn’t a odd twist on ‘Guess Who’, it’s seriously just mats you stick on under your nose. I spent a while trying to think up practical uses for these things and the only reason I can think of to buy this is one of the following: A) You’re completely terrible at fancy dress and have little-to-no imagination of any kind. Whatsoever. Or B) You’re actually so ugly that it’s painful to look at you and you think this may somewhat improve your relationship with friends and family.

4. Mints

Source: Toxicfox (http://www.toxicfox.co.uk)

Source: Toxicfox (http://www.toxicfox.co.uk)

The only message you’re sending when you give someone mints is that their breath smells. That’s it. It doesn’t matter what kind of fancy packaging or tin they come in, that’s the message you’re sending out. Most of the time if you’re paying five quid for a packet of mints in an R2D2 style tin you’re really just buying the tin aren’t you, they’re just throwing in the mints for free.

5. Really Weird Stuff

Source: Firebox (https://www.firebox.com)

Source: Firebox (https://www.firebox.com)

I’ve been sat here for a good ten minutes tryna work out what to say about this gift. I cannot fathom who thought this would make a good book and not seem ridiculously bizarre, so if you’ve bought this for yourself thats really odd, but if you think ‘Oh (insert name here) would really love this book!’  Then you need to remove that person from your friendship group immediately because making stuff out of cat hair is seriously weird mate.

So please, don’t buy anyone any of these gifts for Secret Santa this Christmas, especially anything that involves making mittens out of cat hair *shudder*, or mats that I hang under my nose.

Instead check out Jess’s guide on some easy DIY presents you can make yourself.