A Love Letter to My Cat Callers…

29/08/2018
Ella Brandt

If you find yourself shouting at people from across the street this one’s for you…

Dear Cat Caller,

My true love.

I just had to write this letter to say thank you so much for whistling at me like a puppy. I love puppies.

In fact, I’ve thought about that whistle for a while now. Wouldn’t it be a beautiful story to tell our grandkids? “Grandma, you and Grandpa are so in love. How did you meet?” “Well, I was walking down to the bus stop in my gym gear minding my own business, and from a distance I heard, ‘HEY LADY YOUR ASS LOOKS GREAT IN THOSE LEGGINGS.’ The rest is history”.

Thank you so much for whistling at me like a puppy

You know, sometimes I would think to my 23-year-old self (especially when I’ve got my headphones on) if I am a ‘nice girl’ or not, and then there you are, like a knight in shining armour, there to let me know that I am IN FACT a ‘nice girl.’ Wow. Typing this is so hard through my tears of joy.

My other favourite thing you do is when you take the time in your busy day to stop driving and pull over to the side of the road and block my path. When you say, “Wanna come and say hi?” I just get this overwhelming feeling that I want to say “No… I want to get married actually. When are you free? Shall we set a date. I think my dad will really like you! How many kids do you want?” but I have to control myself because no one wants to embarrass someone like that in public – right?!

How foolish of me to not smile literally every second of the day

I do however have to apologise to you. There have been times where you have been nothing but lovely, crossing the road to ask if I’m single, following me most of the way home even though you’re meant to be working (imagine that, talking to me is more important than your job?! I’m so lucky) but because I’ve been so feeling so self-conscious and unworthy of your love and affection my indifferent reactions have come across as rudeness I suppose. I can tell you that you calling me a “bitch” or “fat slut” saying “I didn’t even want your ugly ass number” was completely justified in every way. I’m not THAT great but I’m also SUPER great which is why you wanted to tell me you wanted to “get into my jeans” and I’m sorry I didn’t see that.

When I don’t ask for it – I really AM asking for it

On a hot, hot, VERY HOT summer’s day you said to me, “I know it’s hot but why don’t you smile?” and all I could think was: ‘how foolish of me to not smile literally every second of the day!’ I know I’m stressed and all I’m doing is looking for a post office to get a passport form, but let’s be honest, why on earth would I let my face muscles relax to their natural state when I could smile specifically for you, a random man on the street that I have no affiliation with, who hasn’t done anything in these three seconds I’ve seen him, just to make his day? And do you know what? I smile all the time, every day, even when I’m sleeping.

Sometimes smiling is hard because I get sad and I don’t feel the most beautiful – but it’s not my friends that get me through, and it’s most certainly not my own self esteem. It’s knowing that around each corner you could be there giving me a loud verbal validation on my appearance, even though I didn’t ask for it (because you know when I don’t ask for it – I really AM asking for it. It makes sense.)

All I can say is I REALLY don’t deserve it.

Love,

Pretty much every woman on the planet.

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